youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
