Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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