Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
