oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I will pee on everything he values.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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