She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize