You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
