The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
