Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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