Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
