every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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