As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize