Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
