You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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