He had one of those small greek statue penises
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
