I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
