we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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