That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize