oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
