I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
