Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
