Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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