i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
