Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
