I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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