Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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