I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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