No awkward lesbian experiences without me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
