Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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