Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
