Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize