Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
