i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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