I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
