she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
