i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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