yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize