it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
