dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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