She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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