You can't motorboat a personality
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
