I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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