My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You ruined the universe
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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