he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
