I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
