ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
