I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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