Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
