i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm really busy with my period
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