If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
His hands were made for my vagina.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
