Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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