I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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