Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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