So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
