I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
