why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
