when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
