He asked to "fluff my boner.."
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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