totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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