Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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