if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
