Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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