dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
